Masivlie Undrdevelped Blog

I moved!!!

2005-04-01T11:03:00.000-05:00

beingryan.farbnode.com
beingryan.farbnode.com
beingryan.farbnode.com
beingryan.farbnode.com
beingryan.farbnode.com
beingryan.farbnode.com
beingryan.farbnode.com

I'm moved

2005-04-01T10:45:00.000-05:00

Come visit my new Blog.

http://beingryan.farbnode.com
http://beingryan.farbnode.com
http://beingryan.farbnode.com
http://beingryan.farbnode.com
http://beingryan.farbnode.com
http://beingryan.farbnode.com

I'm pretty much done here. I moved my blog posts over.

New domain name

2005-03-30T14:27:00.000-05:00

Dan and I signed up for a new domain name.

http://www.farbnode.com

For now it points to here. We are currently searching for some hosting places.

I Need Your Help

2005-03-30T13:19:00.000-05:00

Following everyone else's lead I think i'm going to start my own blog page.

I need a domain name though.

What is a good one for me? Most likely going to be a .com

I want one that's easy and (Semi)professional.

I will probably move my blog there and stuff.

What do you think it should be?

Thanks.

Sing Me a Song

2005-03-29T11:58:00.000-05:00

For a change of pace my friend Steve (the guy from last post) asked if I wanted to go out to a local coffee house for open mike night to support some guys from a band I know. During school Steve, who plays the drums, Lead Singer Kid, who plays the guitar and sings (duh). Me? I like to play guitar and love to sing. I'm always singing. Be it backup or lead, I'm down.
Anyway, during school we got to play a little and sing a little and just have a good time to take the edge off school and personal problems. That was a year or two ago.

More like two.

There was always talk of starting a band. First it kind of started with us three. That went nowhere quick and ended fast. The lived too far from me for it to be something worth spending time with. Then Steve and Singer Kid, but Steve's dad didn't like the drums.

2 Years passed of silent writing of independent songs. Singer Kid got with some other guys and pulled it together. Last night they played out. It was Singer Kid's first time in front of the audience. I couldn't stay to watch it though. You know, work and all.

I met dozens of local artists trying to break into the scene. Some with great voices and amazing playing talents, others with terrible voices and horrible playing talent.
Throughout the night I just sat there listening to the chatter of what songs sound best this way, what voices sound worse that way. I thought, "That could be me". I love to sing. I love to write music. I love to play music.

I don't want to be famous. That's not my style. I'm not a fame type of guy looking for false reassurance of my life. I just want to sing and be heard. Heard for what I'm trying to say and not how I look. Heard for the music I can play, not how good I am at playing a crowd. That means nothing to me. I don't want to release a CD or play huge gigs.

I've been talking for a while now about throwing some songs together and going to an open mike night. Get myself out there and bust some songs out. Help people play, sing and hum our way through their song. I feel good when I do that stuff.

It's just another thing to take up my time. I'm going to start writing more songs and we'll see.

Honestly.

2005-03-28T08:14:00.000-05:00

I'm not giving up on the blog. I refuse!
I took Friday off from work. I spent it doing basically nothing. I think I slept in and went out to eat 3 or 4 times. My girl and I watched some movies later that night and went to bed kind of early.
Saturday the kung fu school was closed! I finally had a full fucking weekend of doing nothing!
We got together with Office Manager Girl and went snowboarding! We went to a resort that we hadn't been to before for a little night skiing. We all had "new" snowboards and boots to try out. It was their 3rd time out and my 4th.
We headed out around 4:30 arrived at 5:15 and were sliding down the hill by 5:30. Overall everything was great! I worked on my turning and technique, as did the ladies.
The lifts still got to me. I fell off of them and on to them. It got to the point that the guys on the lift knew us and knew that I was going to fall. Around 10 pm the ladies quit and I was going to go down the hill on last time.
I slid forward and waited for the lift.
It swong around the curve to scoop me off my feet.
I bent my legs to get on the fucking thing.
The front edge of my board caught the snow and dragged my legs under the chair.
The lift continued forward and I was ripped out of my seat forward off the chair onto the snow.
The chair continued to insult me by slamming itself into my head with a loud clang.
Ouch.

After the fucking guys stopped laughing they slowed the lift down. By that point I was already on the lift up the hill. Just as long as you keep going right?
Right.

Got in the car and headed home after that one.

On our way back we decided we weren't tired enough and wanted to go dancing.

There is only one "good" dance club that we know around here. that plays decent enough Techno. It's none other than "Gay Club"! It's not called that but that's the only name that matters.
We stopped to change and check on the dog then headed out. We got there and my friend was bouncing. (He's to my right in my college pic: http://beingryan.blogspot.com/2005/03/graduation.html.), got in for free(because it was free anyway) and danced up a nice sweat.

I'm a dancing DANCING type of guy. I don't grind with the ladies and shove my pelvic region anywhere. I used to. I became the more independent type who dances by himself with other people. I guess I also dance with my girl but I just don't grope her. Not my style anymore.

It's Time

2005-03-24T14:14:00.000-05:00

It's Time for me to shut up.

I talk too much. Why? Because i'm enthusiastic. Why? Ok, fine. I like to hear myself talk.

I talk too much and I get into trouble.

I really do wear my heart on my sleeve. I will generally tell you what I'm feeling at any given time with very little reguard to how you are feeling at the moment.

Take my interview for example. (Yes i'm still analyzing that.)
I'll try to generalize as much as possible.

I talk alot because I get nervous and I hope my intellect will redeem my current "conversation". "Conversation" meaning: You sit there and listen while I ramble on and on about how I'm good at this or that(pertaining to the situation).
I talk because I feel bad for not giving attention to something and I have to redeem myself(yet again) for ignoring that something.

I talk because I know that I'm a well rounded person who can fit into any group and learn anything that is thrown at me. I'm not cocky, you see, I don't like those types. Confident is ok. Not cocky.

I hope that's not how I come off. Either in my posts or in real life. Kung Fu has taught me a valuable lesson. The lesson is Being Humble. You can't think your the best at something. You need to be humble and understand that you can always learn. Noone is perfect. Perfection is a problem. Noone is perfect in everyone's eyes. We all have our own "vision" of what perfection is.

Ok, off the perfection topic. See? That's what i'm talking about. This whole fucking thing is a contradiction to my post. My post is contradicting my post.

I need to shut up a bit. Be reserved, don't wear my heart on my sleeve, be a bit mysterious, let people guess, be humble.

So forget the rest of this post and I'll start anew:

It's time for me to shut up. I need to learn that.

Being Ryan

2005-03-21T12:55:00.000-05:00

Happy first day of spring!
Ok.
I sat down a few times since Thursday to write part two and other posts.
For some reason I couldn’t get the words out. Was it writers block?
I don’t know. Maybe cause work has gotten crazy.
But, I do know that I feel sincerely bad for not posting at all.

Interview:

I haven’t heard back from the guys yet. It’ll be a week tomorrow.
Actually I did hear from them saying that "I have a bunch of very marketable skills" and that "We will call you back soon". That’s it. This is like one of those date things isn’t it (not that I would know. It’s been over 5 years in April!).
You have a great time with a girl and the evening is over. A. You shouldn’t call too soon because you’ll look desperate or B. Call too late and you’ll look like you don’t care.
Great. I’ve just come to realize that everything revolves around woman. I guess I knew that though.

This weekend:

Saturday I went to a "Multi-cultural" night at a local college. It was pretty interesting.
Irish Dancing, Belly dancing, Traditional Indian Dancing, Non-traditional Indian Dancing, Chinese Tai Chi, These CUTE adopted Chinese kids singing BINGO, African dancing and, last and least, Lame fucking Karate demonstration.
Most of the acts were great. The Irish Dancing Troupe where absolutely fantastic as were the African Dancers (1 because I know the dance teacher and 2 because they are that good).
Now, the Karate demonstration:
Let me wipe the tears from my eyes. Tears of sorrow.
****Reading prerequisite****
About me
I am a martial artist. I have been training Kung Fu for almost 7 years now and I am still in love. The school I train at is a traditional (as in tradition) Kung Fu System.
About Martial Arts:
Kung Fu is a Chinese Martial Art.
Karate is a Japanese Martial Art.
Tae Kwon Do is a Korean Martial Art.
Muy Thai is a Martial Art from Thailand
KickBoxing "started" from Muy Thai.
The differences between them are great. Different lesson, different day.
What does this mean?
It means that what is taught is a life lesson. Not only a cardiovascular-great-workout-kick-stuff lesson.
You learn how to learn, be honorable, be true, and most importantly, drop the ego. Translation: It teaches you to be a good person as well as a martial artist. It’s no secret that those things, in themselves, are the true essence of martial arts.
****End of prerequisite****

I was quite excited about the fact that there was a demonstration up and coming. It was the last bit of the night.
Througout most of the night these three Karate guys were walking up and down the aisle before and during. Right off the bat I noticed the fact that they walked with a presence that they thought they were better than everyone because they had "Cool" uniforms on and they were black belts.
Sign number one that they were going to make me cry tears of sorrow: Pompous assholes.
They got on stage and the curtains opened. Three of them were standing there 3 feet apart with a weapon in their hands. The guy in the middle (who looked like Will Ferrell) had a Bo(a 5 foot stick), The guy on the right had Kamas (curved knife things on a stick), on the left the Asian dude had two sticks about three feet long each.
The lights went off in the theater. The backdrop was a bright blue. They had no faces or bodies. Just shadows.
Some stupid-ass 70’s song busts through the speakers in this acoustically sound place.
Sign number two that they were going to make me cry tears of sorrow: Bad music.
My memory gets hazy at this point. I may have passed out for a brief second when I realized that maybe I wasted my time.
The lights come up sharply.
I think they start throwing around their weapons and stuff trying to look awesome.
The two guys on the end roll offstage.
The Will Ferrell looking dude bust out some moves with the staff that should have impressed but were clearly unpracticed and a bit sloppy. He twirled his stick in the air and moved with, what he thought, grace. The stick left his hands and flew across the stage. That wasn’t part of the form. No it wasn’t.
I, as well as everyone else, gave him the benefit of the doubt by saying to ourselves "He’s nervous". I end up tell myself "I’m sorry Ryan they just plain sucked."
Sign number two that they were going to make me cry tears of sorrow: Bad Movements.
He Finally got off the stage.
The second guy wasn’t terrible. He managed to hold on to his weapons.
Third guy I assumed would be good because, well, he’s Asian. It’s in his blood right? Right?! Nope.
This kid was a mini Bruce Lee. Not good like Bruce, cocky like Bruce. Thought he was amazing and. Wasn’t.

I started to cry.. Literally cry.
Then they started the board breaking.
Ok. I’m going to stop. I don’t want to bash them any longer. I need everyone to know that what I just explained is NOT good martial arts. It’s not martial arts at all. It’s some bullshit that these kids think makes them look cool and I’m sure it’s against their teachers wishes because it really degrades martial arts as a whole.Don’t get me wrong. Punching, Kicking, doing flips, breaking boards and all that is great. It takes skill and persistence. But don’t think that because someone rips off their shirt slaps some StaticX and screams a lot is good. It’s all misconception. Don’t make Ryan look like an ass to those who know I’m a martial artist but don’t know me. You can not represent me like that. I like to think I represent you by being a compassionate, caring, helping and good person and NOT acting like an ass. Yes I can fight, kick high, break shit and throw weapons around but what’s the point if all I get is an inflated ego?

Thanks for your time.

Interview me.

2005-03-16T12:06:00.000-05:00

So.

The interview went great.

I'm my usual I-shouldn't-be-so-excited self.

It's a placement company actually. They will get me in front of a company that hired them to find me. Make sense? Didn't think so.

Basically they are hired by a company to find someone like me.

What's the catch? I don't know. I don't think any.

That's because I don't think.

The guy that sat down with me seemed very impressed by my skills that I have recently acquired in the past year and 3 months.

I don't know if it was flattery but he said I should be making 10 g's more a year than I do at my current job.

Interview:

I got lost for the obligatory 10 minutes which included a mixture of panic and wondering if I was even in the right county(rationally, it's not possible that I was in the wrong county).

I finally got there, met the guy I would be talking with, shook his had and the secretary gave me an application to fill out and led to me to a dark room of evil.

I sat down and started to fill out the application.
What's the point? I have my resume. It has all the info on it! Is it really necessary to transcript all of my resume to the piece of paper with not enough space on it? Yes, Ryan. Yes it is.

I finished 10 minutes later and waited for the guy to come in. He soon did and I stood up greeted him with a handshake, again.

I shook his hand AGAIN?!

What the fuck was I thinking? He's going to think I'm gay! I have a hand fetish or something. Fuck! Oh, Well.

Can you even have a hand fetish?

My mind was already going a million miles a second.

"So tell me about yourself", He said.

Words flowed like blood on a battlefield or swords and knives.

I don't remember what I said. I did break a sweat and I fidgeted a bit with my posture.

Should I sit like this?

Wait. Slow Down.

I'm not usually this nervous?

It's a bit unnerving though:

25 on the edge of the cliff know as "The rest of my life".
A new house, car etc.

This could be the true beginning of my career.
Promotions, Climbing the ladder, bonus, Benefits.

To Be Continued.. Or Not

2005-03-15T12:43:00.000-05:00

Everyone will have to wait another day for my continued story.

Ryan. Has a job interview.

I'm nervous.
No i'm not.
Yes I am.

I have to leave at 4:00 to get there by 4:30.

Uh oh. I'm getting butterflies.

wish me luck.

Old Blog Never Posted

2005-03-15T11:00:00.000-05:00

I don't think I ever posted this. This was a blog I wrote last year in April. It was after a weekend at Dan's. I didn't really spell or grammer check this so good luck.

And................. Begin:

Hey Fans(of Ryan)!!

After years of Dan saying "When are you going to see my apartment", I finally gave in. Let me explain in detail.

I have a busy life.

Ok? It's a bit hard for me to drive 3 hours. But I must say that the trip was easy and rather quick.

Fans(of Ryan): Hey Ryan?! Why did you go to Dan's?
Ryan: Well, fans(of Ryan), I went there on a semi-whim. An old high school buddy of Dan and I'ss.s.is's, Greg Aldi, herein: Aldi,,,......
hold on-i'm a bit messed with grammer and punctuation.....

Ok... I think I'm ready. Aldi's girlfriend went to Syracuse about an hour away from dans and was going to drop Aldi off at "The Dan's Apartmente' " or Casa de Bucenenc as it was soon to be called. Long story short, I thought it'd be sweet if the aboys were aback in atown, I arrived on Friday night.

Dans Apartment, herein: "Casa de Bucenec"

Fans(of Ryan): Ryan!??!?!?!?!?! How was the Apartment herein: Casa de Bucenec?

Ryan: Three words-SW E ET! It is WAY bigger than his last cardboard box and it actually has a HUGE bathroom big enough for three guys to utilize it for puking purposes. It also had a sweet porch for smoking purposes, I mean weather enjoyment purposes. Overall, It was a really nice place, which made me jealous.... Jealous enough to plot something…something evil.

FRIDAY, FRIDAY, FRIDAY!

Fans(of Ryan): RYAN!?!?!?! What did you do Friday?

Ryan: Well, I got there around midnight and we were both tired. So, I got there and after my jealous rage ended I started to plot, evil things. Anyway, your question should be: “what didn't we do?” Well, we didn't smoke weed, or get hookers, or set up a meth lab. Seriously though, we didn't.

Fans(of Ryan): RYAN? RYAN?! RYAN!!!!!!!! What did you PLOT on Friday?

Ryan: I noticed Dan had a George Foreman grill--and a shower. You do the math.

Fans(of Ryan): I’m tired of yelling Ryan. What’s next?

Ryan: We watched some TV and seriously wondered what people saw sexy in soft-core porn, if that’s what you want to call it. It was more like really shitty acting with a girl dry humping the carpet. Seriously, who the hell really wants to watch two people basically gyrating on top of each other. There was CLEARLY no contact. It pissed us off and we slept. Well Dan slept, I plotted. I noticed Dan had an outlet next to his bed. I had some left over speaker wire in my car. You do the math. It turns out that I didn’t have speaker wire. I was too tired to plot anymore. So I slept, and dreamt of plotting.

SATURDAY, SATURDAY, SATURDAY!

Ah, Saturday: The best 4 days of the month. Awaking feeling repressed-I mean refreshed and full of hurtful things to get my revenge, Dan and I went to a local diner. Noticing Dan was in a car, driving and there were a lot of trees in this town, you do the math. We get to the diner 5 minutes later and all trees were still intact. Pissed and naked, I went into the diner and ordered pancakes and eggs and Dan got pancakes and Eggs.. AND POISON!!! Well, it turns out the poison I put in his pancakes was sugar I found at the table…. Next to the coffee and creamer. And I realized just then: I suck at this.

So we went to Dan’s Apartment, herein: "Casa de Bucenec" and we just chilled while I plotted. It was nice, Dan and I sat there watching TV and playing some games. I noticed Dan had a PS2 controller, which had a chord to plug into the PS2. I also noticed Dan had a neck. You do the math. By around 5 o’clock all my revenge attempts failed. Mostly because Dan’s couch was so comfortable that I didn’t want to get up.

Simultaneously Dan and I get a call. My call was from my younger sister herein: Brivis who would be there in half an hour, Dan’s call was from Aldi saying he would be there in a half an hour.

Dudes, it was so friggin sweet to be with these guys again. We Reminisced and hung out for a bit watch bit of Tom Petty(Old movie of ours), Brivis and her boyfriend Justin leave a while later with her permanently-stuck open-car-window and we decide to grab some BOOZE! We got Jim Bean Black for Dr. Pepper and Bean and a bottle of generic Kaluha for white Russians. After hours of music blaring, playing A-hole, being the A-hole and getting drunker by the second I noticed Dan had a bottle of generic bottle of Kaluha sitting next to him he also had a rag oddly enough sticking out of the bottle and located some matches. Do the math people! Turns out that alcohol doesn’t taste good on fire and I was too drunk to use matches anyway.
The drunken spinning hit us all pretty hard, we called it a night on the drinking and watched some Aqua Teen Hunger Force, threw up and passed out- not necessarily in that order.

SUNDAY, MONDAY, SUNDAY!

Woke pretty early on Sunday. We went out to eat again at the diner. It was f’in packed. 10 minutes later we were sitting at a table eating close to the same thing.

Let me tell ya something about Sunday. It was a really lax day. We just sat and talked of the years past and years future. We talked of life in High School and some of the most memorable things that happened. I think I took away with me that weekend a sense of closeness that you don’t get everyday. Also a sense of revenge when I noticed Dan had a shotgun in his closet. But you know, hangover + loud boom = big headache.
Seriously though, It’s been so long since we got together and I finally found out how people felt about me moving and other decisions we’ve all made. What a great and unexpected thing that is. After a quick goodbye and a last attempt at revenge by blowing up Dan’s car(Which later I found out was Jim’s car, Jim is Dan’s Neighbor) I headed back to buffalo sad and happy at the same time. Let’s all thank Dan for a sweet weekend.

Fans (of Ryan): Thanks Ryan-We mean Dan!!!

Ryan: Yeah thanks Ryan-I mean Dan. I had a sweet time.

Wedding

2005-03-14T11:56:00.000-05:00

This weekend My Girl, Older Sister, Office Manager Girl and I went to a wedding. It was a student of the Kung Fu Schools. The same guy who had the Stag Party. The shindig went down at 4 pm on Saturday at a local hotel(I used to work at). Office Manager Girl was going to meet us at the wedding and Sister met us at 3:30. Of course we left at 3:52pm with a ten minute drive ahead of us.

After being cut off and barely avoiding accident from said asshole we made it to the hotel.

We barely found parking and waited for my sister to find her spot amongst the packed streets.

I ran around the block looking for her and couldn't find her. I called her on my cell and told her to meet us by my car.

I walked back to my car and Girlfriend(In her infinite astute observations. Not being sarcastic at all because I wouldn't have noticed) said that my right rear tire looked a little low. Low wasn't the word. The fucking thing was flat. Great.

Late for a wedding, tire flat, lost sister.

Not off to a bad start.

Sister gets back to us and we start jogging to the hotel.

We got there at 4:02pm and their "I do's" were just being said.

Tally: Late for a wedding, tire flat, lost sister, really late for a wedding

Holy shit! Where we that late? Did it start at 3:00 instead?
2 minutes later the new, happy, couple walked out the door.
Uh. Congratulations? I think. Yeah congratulations! Short, sweet, point taken.

Best. Wedding. Ever.

There was the obligatory 1 hour and 55 minute wait in between the ceremony and the h'or deurves/open bar segment of the night.

Tally: Late for a wedding, tire flat, lost sister, really late for a wedding, hungry.

We find some seats and we start to drink. Not alot just one.
or two.
or three.

Girlfriend went over to the bar to get me my first drink. I gave her a 10(the only thing in my wallet at the time) to easily cover the cost of her wine and my rum & coke. She came back 20 minutes later in a panic because the drinks we $16.25 and she needed my credit card.

Tally: Late for a wedding, tire flat, lost sister, really late for a wedding, hungry, not enough money.

Now, we're not in New York City and around here $8.something for a drink is freaking crazy. I can buy a whole bottle of the shit for about the same price.

I finished my $8 coke with a bit of rum splashed in and started to contemplate how I should fix my car.

I'm only 10 minutes from home, I didn't know what type of state we would be in tonight(good thing) and I don't want to be changing a tire at midnight downtown in not-the-best-area. I decided to go change the tire now. Before the hor deurves. Before I got to comfortable. Before I started having fun. I made the excuse that I needed to check on our puppy anyway so I might as well. Left at 5 pm to change the tire.

Tally: Late for a wedding, tire flat, lost sister, really late for a wedding, hungry, not enough money, gotta change the flat tire.

Got to my car and opened the trunk. Got the lug wrench.

I put the wrench on the first lug nut and it loosened without to much coaxing.
Second lug nut f'd me. I put the wrench on and started to pull. Didn't budge. Ok So I used my body weight and stood on the damned thing. Yep. Broke the casing off the lug nut.

Tally: Late for a wedding, tire flat, lost sister, really late for a wedding, hungry, not enough money, gotta change the flat tire, fucking lug nut.

I freaked. I assumed the worse, peeled the lugnut casing off and threw it on the ground somewhere and tried the wrench again. Ok, good. it fit.

Back to:
Late for a wedding, tire flat, lost sister, really late for a wedding, hungry, not enough money, gotta change the flat tire.

To be continued:

Nap.

2005-03-10T12:12:00.000-05:00

At what age did you feel the need to take naps?

When I first moved here at 18, out of high school, I lived with my sister. Sometimes she would take a nap.

I can remember sitting there wanting to do something, anything at all. Thinking that naps are the fucking lamest thing to do at ANY age. Ok, any age under 70.

It brought back memories of what my mom would do:
"Oh honey do you want me to drive you to your friends?"
"Yes mom, please."
"Ok, let me take a quick nap and a shower, then we'll go."

Great. Just freaking great. I'd have to sit around the house thinking about all the fun I'll have in two hours.

The house would be dead quiet. The phone was off the hook. This was before computers, I’d beaten all my Super Nintendo games and I don't like reading.

Wow. How fun. I get to watch TV for two hours during the day. We know how great that is.

As I got older I noticed I needed a bit of rest. I just didn't have the spastic energy anymore. I could pull all-nighters. I couldn't skip meals.

What's happened to me? I work my 40 hours, I teach Kung Fu, I fit training in there and I started to snowboard. I'm a tired boy!

Does Ryan need a nap!?

Holy shit, Ryan needs a nap!

What has happened to me?

I know alot of people who nap. At my age or older.

At the same time I know alot of people who don't nap. What's your secret? Do you just keep steaming forward? Is there no time? Too much coffee? Not enough sex? What?!

I, on the other hand, DO need a nap but I just don't have time. Ok, I do have time but don't want to waste it sleeping (as much as I love sleep).

Coffee

2005-03-08T13:32:00.000-05:00

I never started drinking coffee before I got a true desk job.
As a programmer I need stimulation of the brain to keep my mind full of logical openness.

I wrap my brain around alot of shit everyday. So much it makes me so freaking tired everyday.
I see in binary. Ok, no I don't.

Coffee is kind of good at assisting with that stuff.
You drink it and you know it's just not good for you. You can taste the bitter love that was created from water filtering through these coffee-whore beans. Just oozing with sharp, blood pressure rising, love.

We get free coffee here. That's a first for me. All of my previous places of work all said "Hey Ryan! You want something free? How about your manditory half lunch time, that's free. Oh yeah and we'll actually mail your check to your house so you don't get it on time. How's that?"

They have a coffee maker that supplies 30 fiends of the black jolt. Somehow when I go there for my first cup of coffee in the morning(around 8:30am) all the coffee is gone.

Fine, I'll make some more. Just this once.

Put the filter in.
Open the coffee grounds.
Dump in coffee grounds.
Get water from the filter/cooler for 10 minutes.
dump water in maker.
Put orange safety marker thing on handle of coffee pot.
Go back to desk and continue working.
10 minutes later i'll go back and again:
no. fucking. coffee.

I make a face very much like my profile picture.

You know what? Fuck them. I'm not going to make coffee again. I can handle not drinking it. I can! I have self control.

I'm being taken advantage of.

Behold, The Future.

2005-03-08T13:16:00.000-05:00

"A trip of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

I sit here looking at these charts.

Charts of dots with lines between them. These little things represent the truth that is business.

I see how close these charts in business are to real life.

We have our ups and downs. No shit, Ryan.
But these dots can't help but burn into my brain. This is a reminder of where I was.

Sure you have a plan, where I should be by the end of the year.
Sure you have the projection, "going at the current rate I'll be..."
Seriously, what the fuck does it tell me?

I can sit here looking at this chart that tells ME where I'VE been and then tells ME where I SHOULD be. Wow, what a freaking stupid way to live your life? Sure they help, but who the hell wants to spend your life always looking at where we SHOULD be. Let's be happy with what he have first then we can look a stuff we don't need to buy later.

Rise up people and say "NO!"

How about NO, Mr. Graph.

How about I think about where I am NOW and how far I've come up until NOW. Then, maybe once or twice a year, i'll look forward and say "Hey, Mr. Graph, I think now is a good time to see how I'll be doing by the end of the year.".

Fuck you Mr. Graph.

Happy and Blue 2

2005-03-08T11:39:00.000-05:00

http://happyandblue2.blogspot.com/ is saying goodbye. Blogger pissed him off which in-turn pisses me off which in-turn pisses off everyone who reads me. That's a sweeping assumption, I know. Now he's gone.

I hope it is just a fit of rage and isn't true but, ya know, I'm with him. I hear him. It is annoying.

Sorry to see you go H&B2.

Gmail

2005-03-07T14:52:00.000-05:00

Anyone want a friggin gmail account? I have 50 invites.

Email me:

rymos@yahoo.com

Soundtrack

2005-03-07T10:02:00.000-05:00

I've always thought life has a soundtrack.

A soundtrack for that perfect evil moment in life.
A soundtrack for that lovely sexual moment.
A soundtrack for that seemingly never ending speech or a soundtrack for a time that shouldn't ever end.

It happens rarely to me. I'll be doing something listening to my seldom empty CD player or computer when something epic happens:

The melody chimes while laying in a sweaty heap.
The song builds as you make your decision to close on the house.
The screaming continues in your angry, teary rage.
The lyrics say it in a way you can't. "Yeah, that's what I mean"
The chorus rings, driving your point home, again.
The song starts to fade and calm down, light up that smoke.
Silence.

The song completely matches the moment. Your leading the song and the song is leading you.

How the hell does that happen?

Most recently for me I was listening to a Radiohead song ("Exit Music(for a film)") while thinking about some high school memories. Freaking amazing.

Ever happen to you?

Younger-everyday

2005-03-04T19:25:00.000-05:00

She came a few years after me.

I always hated the way she got everything.
I wasn't loved. Ok, yes I was-That was wrong of me to say.
She was the favorite. We all think that.

We'd always fight each other until there was something that would get in our way. That's when her and me would join our bitching forces together and create the worst monster the world has seen.

She started experimenting with cigarettes at like 15.
I got really pissed. I'd rough her up and then tell her if I ever caught her smoking again or even heard she was smoking I'd go tell mom and we'd both kick her ass; Mom: verbally, Me: Physically.
After the roughing up I would promptly go out back and have a smoke. Fucking hypocrite.

I never did give her that whooping because before long we were smoking together even though I'd still threaten to tell mom.

Smoking was MY thing. MINE! She'd taken my love and fun and...

She started to party and I started to do badly in school. Fine, I didn't start to do bad, I was already. OK?

She hated my friends, I hated her's.

Either way they were worse in my eyes. Turning her into a bad seed waiting to blossom into a dirty, black flower.

I graduated high school. She hadn't yet.

I moved away and left her. Why? My life sucked.

She gradually got "older". Not age, maturity. I'd see her went home to visit on holidays or whenever I could afford to (never). Man, she was growing up. Partying all-night and working by day. Just a party girl.

She's going to school for message.

Man, she is growing up.

We get along much better now. No fights, I don't threaten her anymore, we have fun together.

My Baby Sister came to visit!

Man, she has growing up. I love her.

Yeah

2005-03-04T12:12:00.000-05:00

From now on if someone comes to yell at me about something I'll just hold up this picture.

I Won't Hesitate

2005-03-03T16:42:00.000-05:00

When I get cold i just sit and think about this beach I went to when I was on the Greece Island called "Paros".

The beach was perfect. Something about the sun there was something that stayed with me. Maybe it was the angle or the intesity. The beach was absolutely gorgeous.

I walked into a thatched roof outdoor patio facing the beach with beautiful trees edging the water. The water was bluer than blue and rippling with excitement from people swimming a little farther up.

I look around and find someone. I ask for something to drink, Coke. I could just sit here and "be". Sit, drink my Coke, and "be". Nothing can possibly bother me. Nothing will ever bother me again. It's really hot but who fucking cares. I have no home, I have no worries, I have no cares.

I don't care.

Have a place like that? It's nice to escape from reality without drugs.

Graduation

2005-03-02T13:37:00.001-05:00

I just remember I have an old web page(with pics) from when I was in school.

I graduated on Sept 7th, 2003.

Click to enlarge (i'm the middle tall beotch)

Iron Flower

2005-03-02T12:36:00.000-05:00

I sit here some days trying to figure out what the hell i'm going to put on this blog.

Sometimes it comes to me while I'm doing something and other's I have to just post something.

Either way, I take random looks at other blogs. Mostly they seem to be just directionless ramblings. I've come to realize that I love the blogs I frequent. The people I read are much more interesting and poetic than these other blogs out there.

I don't really know what I should be doing with this chunk of space on this web of information.

Do I do what I do? Doesn't that seem like just pointless writing/reading? I can't be interesting to everyone.

Do I move the blog towards a specific theme like music, sex, love, hate or pictures?
This needs to be different then those other boring fucking blogs.

Do I aspire to become famous for this blog? No, I don't think so.

Why am I doing this then? Not for me. I love doing it though. So, maybe it is for me.

It's like when I was in High School.

When we first got "The Internet" it was fucking amazing.

We could go to 3 sites. Yahoo, Some chat site, and some other chat site.

You could make your own site and expect people to see it and be interested. Now 13 year old kids are blogging about the sexual experiances and drug induced nights full of exposure to things I have never thought of.

Here I am talking about my snowboarding adventures. I have some thinking to do.

I'm getting the hang of this.

2005-03-02T07:37:00.001-05:00

I love this freaking picture

Rare but Real: People Who Feel, Taste and Hear Color

2005-03-01T16:26:00.000-05:00

Link:
Rare but Real: People Who Feel, Taste and Hear Color

This is quite incredible.

Arguments-a-plenty

2005-03-01T15:22:00.000-05:00

I went to a "Stag Party" on Saturday. It was for a Student/friend of the Kung Fu school.

It wasn't really a party. Maybe it was.
It was mostly to raise funds for the wedding.

There was food, beer, card playing, raffles etc.

Two of those things I do. Cards aren’t one of them.
Luck and me don't see eye-to-eye a lot.

I mainly went to see our friend and support the wedding.

I got there and found I only knew 3 people. "Mr. Groom", "Mr. Man", and "Mr. No Ears". "Mr. Man" I wasn't particularly fond of. Not that he's a bad person just one of those "I read books and do lots of stuff, that noone cares about, so i'm superior" guys. It's very seldom I don't like someone anymore. I look past alot of shit to see the true person. Just one of those things, I guess.

After some time the four of us ("Mr. Groom", "Mr. Man", and "Mr. No Ears".) ate, drank, and started our cold, stiff conversations. We talked of the weather and spouted other bullshit to waste time until something more interesting happened.

The clouds started to roll in, lights flickered in random unarguable patterns and people head for the hills.

Beer started to flow and our shepherd, conversation, walked us to the slaughterhouse of politics and philosophy.

Fuck. Here we go.

Being a Martial Artist Student and Instructor there is alot of philosophy involved in your daily life.

I know people generally have their own, be it firm, position and I understand things can get a bit rough.

We get talking about the government and the freedom we have/don't have. I stated my point he stated his. The others stated theirs. Ok.. so far so good. Then voices started getting louder and tempers flared. We continued our conversation with darting eyes and raising temperatures.

I really try to step back from an argument to give time to think, regroup, and relax.

"Mr.No Ears" took everything said to him personally. He didn't seem to be listening to our side (Mr. Groom and I) My goal went from defense to helping "Mr.No Ears" calm down. Other people (co-workers) noticed his irritation and saw it as an opportunity to try to "lighten" the mood by poking fun at his point of view. Apparently he does this alot.

People got fed up with his constant "feeling threatened" arguments, got pissed, and left him to swim through his thoughts of anger. Me, the nice guy that I am, I stayed to help him finish his thoughts and try to make sure he knew "I'm not against you" and I promptly said my good-byes.

I knew that this was going to happen.

Ryan's Moral Lesson for This Week:
Don't waste your time on discussions that seriously can't be salvaged. Some people are so freaking sure that their point of view is better than yours that they don't listen and waste your fucking time.

Snowbound

2005-03-01T14:01:00.000-05:00

I got a snowboard. That's right. I did.

I got my girlfriend one on ebay and we bid on another one for a friend of ours. She ended up letting me have her's.

So we all have snowboards.

It's a great feeling.

Really, it is.

Less Traversed

2005-02-28T13:52:00.000-05:00

Amanda B's blog(one of my favorites) had a very interesting post called "Less Traveled". Here is my comment and a continuation. (I don't normally do this)

Whether there is fate or not doesn't really prepare you for what is coming.

You go throughout your whole life dealing with assholes or people who are just plain amazing. All the while these people mold you into who you are the next day, and the day after that.

You deal with these things either the right way or the wrong way. You are still you. Yeah, they change your ideas and how you act, but it's still you.

Then you go and find someone who has the biggest monster grab on you. The one that you never thought was 'the one' or could be. The one that molds every fiber of your love (and hate).

Suddenly you can't seem to get enough and you love to be around him. He knows how to push your buttons and you know how to push his. You love the little arguments and the fact that you can train him. You hate that he likes to do this or that but you deal with it. After all, he makes you into who you are today and who you will be tomorrow.

You are still you, just someone better.

I know it sounds bad but everyone affects us the same. No, really. From the dick that messed around on you to the person you cut off on the highway.

Be aware, I think. Be aware of who's doing what to you and what you are doing to whom. If you are more mindful of what's happening you can make better sense of it when you laying on your kitchen floor crying. Hell, maybe you won't even be on your kitchen floor. Maybe you'll say, "Aw fuck, I shouldn't have let him do this", "I shouldn't have told her that" and call it a day.

Pictures of You.

2005-02-28T09:38:00.000-05:00

I love this pic. It's me and my doggie, Li-Lu(Yes, it's from the 5th Element and Yes it's spelled differently on purpose).

Something about it makes me laugh.

Click To See Me.

2005-02-25T11:01:00.000-05:00

I wish I had a digital camera.
Not some chinsy peice of shit.
A nice digital camera.

I could take pictures of everything cool, and everthing not.
Me falling on my ass or some random picture of my dog taking a nap.

I feel a bit left out of the world of picture-taking. I'll just find some pics that I have taken from borrowed cameras.

I think posting these pictures is a great way to express what you really feel. Words do alot, pictures do more.

Rant time done.

Long Winters Nap

2005-02-24T14:18:00.000-05:00

I went snowboarding Tuesday Night.
New resort, new boots, borrowed snowboard and Co-workers.
It was my second time EVER. Never been off the "Bunny Hill" before then.
I had a blast and yes, I did get hurt. Not bad though. Well, bad enough.
I took a few nasty spills and managed to slam my head off the packed snow a few times.

Needless to say my body is sore. Mostly my arms and neck.

The guys I went with have been a lot more than me. I have to say I did pretty well despite my first few times of sliding on my ass down the hill.

I got to the top of my first run of the night.

It was quite scary for a person used to a mild slope. I think the fact that I was with other guys who had done this so frequently gave me balls through osmosis. I was nervous for about 10 seconds. One of the many things I've learned from Kung Fu is that if you give in to nervousness you WILL fuck up. I pushed the lump in my throat down to my crotch and started down the hill.

I took it relatively slow. Remember this was my 2nd time out and I still had yet to feel comfortable with turning (the direction) right.

I pride myself in the fact that I can pickup something by watching. After a few runs of watching the other two guys and I started understanding how to turn right by shifting my weight and my back foot. We moved on to a more difficult hill. More Difficult = faster and bumpier. Two things that don't mix for me being new.

Great. More nervousness. Not as much this time.

I did it again.
And again.

And again.

Gradually I got better and better throughout this beautiful night of falling crystals of stinging pleasure. I didn't have to think about it much anymore. Unless I was going 40 miles an hour, getting a little loose on steering and heading into the woods. That's when I would forget which way to move my back foot.

Then.

I got cocky.

Yep. I decided to try to jump.

First it was just a slow, leisurely pickup the feet and switch them.
That wasn't too hard. Yeah, I fell but I got used to it.

Then, as I went faster, I tried bunny hops. Just jump and lift up both feet and land. Not really that hard.

So far, so good.

Then there was "The God Jump".

I sped down the hill going 70 and, behold, I see the jump to end all jumps.
This thing had to be at least 9 feet high and 3 feet long.

I grunted loudly, "I can take it!" and smacked myself on the loins.

I slowed down because I'm not totally stupid.

I hit this fucking thing WAY faster than I thought I did.

I leaned back, bent my legs and said my prayers.

I landed on my ass pretty freaking hard and stopped, dead. My head snapped back, smashed it off the ice and lost my hat. Ouch.

I hear one of the guys scream, "THAT WAS FUCKING COOL! ".
I yelled back, "YOU THINK SO? TRY IT!". Yep,you jerk, that was cold weather sarcasm.

I got my hat and got up, brushed my body and my ego off then looked back at “Mr.God Jump”.

Turns out, the damn thing was 2 feet wide by about 2 feet high. More like “Mr. I Suck” Jump. Child’s play to a bicycle or someone who can actually snowboard.

My head hurt but I was a cool snowboarder for the first time ever.

Yeah, you try to jump. I. won't. ever. again.

Flying

2005-02-23T16:07:00.000-05:00

Sitting endlessly it seems.

I just kick my feet up and take it all in. Riding this rusty chair.
It seems like hours until I will reach my destination.
I can't wait.
I see the light at the end of this dark tunnel of anticipation.
I get ready to leave my seat.

Sorry I haven't posted. My body is in a lot of pain and work is busy as fuck. I hope I haven't lost my faithfuls. I seriously haven't had a second to breath.

Tomorrow hopefully.

Snowboarding, Again.

2005-02-21T12:16:00.000-05:00

I'm going snowboarding tomorrow with some guys from work.

My Girlfriend and I went out yesterday to look at some used snowboarding boots. We came home with two new pairs of them.

What the hell? How did that happen? I. uh. wait! oh, ok.

I guess we're serious now.

Anyway. I've been doing some research. I've been talking to people and looking online.

Not that any of you care but here is some quick information if you ever decide to go.

The size of your board (and 'other things') is important:
The board should be as long as the height from the ground to somewhere between your chin and nose (lips). Boards are measured in centimeters.

YAY MATH! (I suck at math):
(1 inch = 2.54 centimeters - according to google)
I'm 6 foot 2 inches tall. (12inches = a foot. 12 x 6(feet) + 2 inches) That 74 inches. You don't get a board as tall as you. Only as tall as the ground to your lips. So let's subtract 8 inches from 74: 66 x 2.54(centimeter conversion) = 164cm.

Summary: Get the height to your lips from the ground (in inches).
Multiply that times 2.54. That will give you the height of your board.

Or you could look at this board sizing table will help you decide which board should fit you. I don't think they make exact sizes so round up. Friggin easy huh?

Types of boards:
Many types of boards. Freeriding boards seem to be what I want to use as a beginner. You can progress to mountain boards and trick boards. I don't care about those though, I just started. GOD! Give me a freaking break! I can't do sweet jumps yet.

Bindings:
These are things that hold your snowboard to your boots.
Two types: Step-in and Strap-in. See the next section for a description.

Boots:
First is size (again size matters). Get a size bigger than your street shoes. (Ladies, they don't make stiletto boots so you are going to have to deal with laces.)
Secondly. Type: Same as bindings; There are step-ins and strap-ins. Step-ins are easier to use. Your boot has two pegs on either side of it to latch into the bindings. They are easier to use(there's a little latch that releases your boot) but get jammed with snow. Strap-ins sound cooler and are a bit harder to use. You put your foot in the binding and have to tighten the strap using a ratcheting mechanism on the strap. I got a strap-in boot. It pretty much looks like a normal boot except bigger and stiffer.

Take a look at the charts for sizes.

Sorry for those who don't care.

Looking

2005-02-18T13:36:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to look around for a new job.

I love my current position. There just doesn't seem to be enough growth opportunity here. Though, I may have a few avenues to travel down here. The problem is, none have become apparent to me at this time.

I always do this to myself. I hear from one of my friend or co-workers that I may have an opportunity to get my foot in the door somewhere, then nothing comes of it. I am an easily excitable person. I get excited that someone likes what I do and I guess I assume that just because someone likes me is a good enough reason to offer me something.

I've been working here for a year and three months. I knew coming in that this would be an experience-only job. Yes, I make more than I have ever in my life, but I know I can make more money and continue to be happy.

I've been considering this for a few months:

I can stay in a stable work environment. Laid back.
Why?
I really enjoy the people I work with. We have a great time.
My boss is really freaking awesome.
They pay isn't great for my title but the experience is the big payback.

OR

I can really look for another position.
Why?
There is a possibility of getting into another stable environment.
Get another cool boss.
Like the new people I'm working with.
Get better pay(which isn't everything, I know)

So, I'm lackidasically looking for a job. If I see one I could fit in I'll send my resume.

On the same, separate, note: I just sent in my resume about 10 minutes ago, 2 minutes later I get a call from the company. I now have 2 interviews from the same people. The HR guy said "They will be interested".

Edit: I just emailed my old professor from College. He told me he has a position open as well. Wow.. three in one day.

Thanks Blue2Going!

2005-02-18T12:29:00.001-05:00

I was doing my routine checking of "Blogs I Frequent With Love" and checking Blue2Going's blog, I noticed my blog on her favorite blogs list!

Thank you Blue!

She's witty and smart and makes her posts worth reading! Check her out!

NOW!

DO IT!

NOW!

Blue2Going's blog
Blue2Going's blog
Blue2Going's blog
Blue2Going's blog

Because, I Am Me

2005-02-17T12:37:00.000-05:00

Many years ago, seldom people can remember vividly, something grand happened.

A baby, not yet born, decided it was his turn to enter a wonderful world. A world much colder, brighter, more painful, happier and sadder than where he was.

Somewhere between the depths of 12:01am and 11:59pm on February the 17th this boy decided to join his fully living, fully clothed family. After the excitement of labor was finally exhausted and the baby, now crying, was handed to the doctor who slapped his bottom gently, gave him a quick rub down and a weigh. He then was handed to this precious baby's mother who was exhausted, relieved and happy.

People weren't sure what his name was supposed to be.
He just sat in his mother’s arms like it was his throne, high above all the land, like a king.

Can we find a name good enough for him? Will there ever be a name that can do him justice? Yes I think we can.

A name meaning:"Little King".

The perfect name for this little baby boy.

The name is "Ryan".

Lyrics: Shy That Way

2005-02-16T10:03:00.000-05:00

I was on Archive.org searching for Jason Mraz. I came across this song.

Download the song here(it's legal)

Song: Shy That Way
By:Words and music co-written: Jason Mraz/Tristan Prettyman
Album: None(that i know of)

You know your stunning
absolutely stunning
and I'm running always running

and now I'm crying
you know only cause I'm caring
and if you were more daring maybe you'd stop staring
and come over and talk to me
and tell me about how you've been waiting patiently
and how you tried but I just turned away
and I'll say, "yeah well you know, I'm shy that way"

shy that way
shy that way
maybe I'm shy that way

you know she's stunning
she's absolutely stunning
but she's always running
but ill catch up to her...

the way she keeps her distance
keepin my interest
so ill keep it consistent

maybe someday, someway, somehow, sometime
we'll get together and we'll break it down
and I'll ask, "why you gotta be so shy, why you gotta be that way?"
well maybe, baby, I like it that way

shy that way
maybe I, like it shy that way
maybe I love you so shy that way

there's always too much talking
and I wanna just keep walking
and I keep staring, baby, keep staring
though I may not know the right things to say
I'll get it out to you one day

shy that way
shy that way

do you like it? do you like it when I'm shy
yes I like it, yes I like it, when your shy

shy that way

Playing it Straight pt. 2

2005-02-16T08:34:00.000-05:00

For all my fans out there, I'm listening. I'd thought I'd end on a little bit of a cliffhanger. I guess I'm not cool enough.

Continue:

I try to muster up the balls to say the first word. Ok, good. I did it.

"Hi" I said. I hug his mom and a shake his hand. I notice his firm grip and the fact that my mom is screaming with joy that they are here. I didn't know what to expect. I was still drowning with thoughts of how much I've changed and the fact that I hadn't thought of him in years. We go inside. They day progresses as our talks of childhood gets tired and lonely.

I told him much about my new life since we've parted. About high school, girlfriends, places we've gone. About my sister's kung fu school, how I've graduated, my love, my interests. He does the same.

We've changed alot, but haven't. He brings me back to my childhood again and again. I think of me, a pasty pale kid, just wondering around this vast world of Spanish culture that is the development. He taught me a lot for not being my teacher. He showed me a lot for not being a photographer.

After changing a few locations to talk it's getting dark now. Conversations have left us little to say. I'm tired from emotions and from the day. Funny memories are now dead tired along with me.

They need to drive an hour back and decide that now is as good a time as any to head home.

I hug them both as the head to the car, embracing this older woman who was so nice to me. I also embrace this man who was so close when we were young. Before the bullshit of life, the complexity of love, and the hardship of money. Yeah, we were friends: The most pure form of it.

Playing it Straight.

2005-02-15T10:50:00.000-05:00

I don't really remember a lot of my childhood except the myriad of times that we moved and some spotty memories of faces and loves long faded into the backdrop.

I do remember this one friend I had. He was the son of my Mom's secretary. Nicest kid I have probably ever met. Me being this little kid, white and naive, hanging out with this little kid, Puerto Rican and full of culture. It was a shock to hear everyone speaking a language that I never understood or wanted to understand.

He lived in a development with many other Puerto Rican families who obviously lived where they did because of the culture and low rent. This development was on top of a huge hill raised above the city. It was almost as if the city was saying "We'll keep you out of our way" while everyone who lived there was saying "This is our city and we can watch over it."

I played there a few times, usually when Mom went to visit and talk about work. He was my first real friend. The type that you don't talk to all the time, you don't really think about all the time, doesn't really share many similarities but is just there saying "Hey, let's hang out, I don't care about your differences".

I was frightened by the complexity of the situation there:
Flaring tempers filled the courtyard surrounding people hanging their wet sheets and underwear, people walked into each other's houses randomly, screamed whenever they were looking for their children, didn't really care what the looked like and hadn't ever really wanted to care. For a little boy who has really been sheltered, due to no fault of his parents, this was pretty amazing.

Soon I felt myself become part of this little family. They accepted me with Spanish tongues while I had white skin, quite pale. We would run around the woods (looking back I’m sure it was quite safe because of the seclusion) getting filthy and climbing trees, riding bike, playing basketball and other kid stuff.

After the few times we hung out I never went back. He would come out to my house a few more times and that was it. We just stopped hanging out. Moms work crashed, we both got girlfriends and went on to High School and, at the time, it was about a half-hour to his house. Passing thoughts in my head to “Yeah I’ll give him a call” ended up empty because someone more important had called or I needed to make-out.

A few years ago I went home for the weekend and Mom asked me about them. We talked about the past for a bit and decided to give them a call. They said they’d love to come out for the day and made the hour journey to my Moms. With every minute that passed I thought about the minutes we used to hang together. I was getting nervous as I did a 10-year instant replay on my life to figure out what the hell I was going to tell him. The car rolled up. The door opened.

I hear in my mind, "Hey, let's hang out, I don't care about your differences".

Racial Profiling

2005-02-14T11:12:00.000-05:00

I frequently eat at restaurants around my city. Usually after Kung Fu classes on Saturday and sometimes during lunch throughout the week.

We frequent two (usually) main types of restaurants:

Indian and Thai.

I love these two cultures as far as cuisine goes: fresh Vegetarian food with no bullshit.

For preValentines Day I took my sister and girlfriend out to a new Thai place around the corner. The place was pretty awesome. It was cheap, good food, fast and friendly. Overall it was a great experience.

Why the hell am I talking about this? What does the title have to do with this post? Well hold your horses and I'll let you know.

Here in America we have a problem recognizing that just because one person has black hair is named Bob doesn't mean that everyone who has black hair is named Bob.

At the Thai place I noticed this rather curvy Asian woman longingly walking to the bathroom. After a few minutes she started her journey back to her seat.

"Excuse me" a woman’s voice, yelled out. The curvy Asian stopped to look at this woman and her family.
"Can we have our check please?" the woman’s voice rang out again. The sound of her voice seemed to echo in this place. Ignorance and my embarrassment drowned all other sound out.
"Uh, I don't work here" the curvy Asian woman replied. Internally, I think I interpreted her reply was in a nasty tone. She continued on her way playing off her obvious(to me) insult.

Wow. That's all I can think.
Wow.
Now I'm sure that you have done that as well. I think I have. Honest mistake.
But I think that people just have to be more aware. Just because I’m a 25-year-old white guy doesn’t mean that I’m amazing at lifting shit up and down the stairs, loading the back of trucks and sweeping dirt into a pile. Just because a woman is Asian eating at a restaurant doesn’t mean she works there.

My bitch is thus: Please take the time to recognize the difference between people. Asian people are different. There are Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Malaysian etc. and yes they look different.

Yes mistakes happen I am an advocate of mistakes. In a world of diversity don’t be so self-centered that you think that everyone is the same.

I'm officially a Geek

2005-02-11T12:59:00.000-05:00

I've been drawn into the world of the new Battlestar Galactica.

Why? I don't know.
I was never a huge Star Wars fan.
I was never a huge Star Trek fan even though I would watch the next generation.
I never saw the old one so I have nothing to base on.

Coworker A gave me 2 DVDs with all of the episodes and the Mini-series. I watched the mini-series and I was grasped by the large talons of this show.

This bothers me a bit. I don't have time as it is to watch the shows we want to watch now but I feel compelled to take a breather and watch this completely futuristic-not-so-futuristic show.

It's basically about a bunch of planets that have been inhabited by, what I’m assuming are, humans. Bing-bong-boom: The planets are struck by nuclear attacks etc. and destroy most of what is left of these inhabiting humans. Mostly, the only people left are the ones in space. They're next. These aren't aliens, these aren't power-hungry humans, they’re robots. Fucking programs that have self-evolved from the binary digits of 1's and 0's to lifelike forms to come and fuck the humans up. Why? Because. They. Can.

Battlestar Galactica is this old, fucking huge, just going out of commission, ship used mainly as a historical gallery. This beast has everything you can want in your own home (even co-ed shower rooms). The captain of the ship decides it's time to fight back because, well, he has no choice.

Ok. Great. No goofy ass aliens called Earobians that look suspiciously like humans except that they have an extra earlobe. No overly stupid characters that you can't relate to. No completely over-the-top science fiction talks. Just fun times fighting against these cool enemies.

I think I now know why I like it: My Job.

I've noticed it is happening. Computers are sweet, no doubt.
But Virus', Hackers, Blogs!

Wow.. I can see it now.

Contradiction

2005-02-11T12:37:00.001-05:00

Think for yourself.
Breath for yourself.
Take a break.
Do more.
Be comfortable with what you have.
Want more.
Allot your love to only things that matter.
Don't waste your time on stuff that doesn't.
Be careless once in a while.
Keep a strict schedule.
Go to sleep early.
Stay up late and play games.
Don't drink too much.
Drink as much as you need to.
Don't smoke, it'll give you cancer.
Smoke responsibly, it'll calm you down.
Don't hurt yourself.
Get in the ring.
Call in sick.
Perfect attendance.
Make someone smile.
Get into philosophical arguments.
Take a swim now.
Wait an hour.
Hang on for dear life.
Live a little.
Goodnight.
Hello.

Oh, I Feel Alive.

2005-02-10T15:14:00.000-05:00

I'm glad I'm doing more lately.
It keeps me from watching TV.
I have so much to do with myself.
I want to continue working on the TV Show Dan and I taped last year. Editing that shit takes a lot of patience and work.
I want to start play guitar more often.
I want to go snowboarding more.
I want to spend more time with my girlfriend.

It blows to think that 24 isn't a large enough number.
I remember when 24 was a huge number.

I can't possibly fit all the stuff I want and need to do in those very few hours between work and sleep.

Years fly by so freaking fast. The only thing I can do is hold on with white knuckles and hope I don't get thrown off.

I normally don't like to write about things I really have no control over. Yes, I know, I have control over my time. It's just hard to think that in another 7 days I will be hitting the 25 year mark. No, this isn't a mid-life crisis. It's just reflection. That's the point of a blog isn't it? It's Reflection.

One last question:

Why isn't the word Blog in the spelling dictionary OF BLOGGER.COM?!?!

Project Manager Leaves Suicide PowerPoint Presentation

2005-02-09T15:05:00.000-05:00

EDIT:
I'm sorry guys. I guess this whole thing was a fucking joke. Bastard at work sent it to me. I didn't know. The last part of my post still stands though.

Link:
The Onion | Project Manager Leaves Suicide PowerPoint Presentation

This is a horrible story. Nothing graphic. It's just plain shitty.

Can you believe that something you work with so much could be your goodbye note to the world? I feel terrible after reading that. People, open your fucking eyes. Sometimes there is no way to tell, I understand, but usually there is a sign.

Help each other.

Tell you the truth.

2005-02-09T10:06:00.000-05:00

Sorry about yesterday.

Work was crazy and it was Chinese New Year.
I didn't really celebrate our normal New Year so I figured I'd take a break at home and watch some dorky sci-fi flicks.

Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR! AGAIN!

This year is the year of the Rooster or, more appropriately named, the year of the Cock.

If you were born in 1969, 1981, 1993 or this year, you are a Cock.
In Chinese tradition and customs that means this year will be twice as good or twice as bad for you.

So, Cocks, I hope you have a good one.

Here's a link to find out your Chinese animal.

I'm a monkey. No lice though.

Oh wait, I take that back.

Habit

2005-02-07T13:30:00.000-05:00

Some people smoke 2 packs a day.
Some people drink 2 cases a day.

My habit comes in the form of two hands and 10 fingers.

I bite my nails. I've always done it. It fucks up my fingers. My nails look like someone took an chisel and hacked them up.

I bite them because of sheer boredom, fidgetyness or plainly lack of control.

So, I've decided to take a step in the direction of pretty fingers. I'm not going to bite them anymore.

I started last week. Man, it's hard.

Snow + Boarding = Snowboarding

2005-02-07T10:13:00.000-05:00

Yeah that's right. I finally did it. I went snowboarding.

You know how you say your going to do something, you intend on doing it but you don't intend on doing it. That's what snowboarding was for me. We talked about it. I looked forward to it and figured that was all I was going to do, look forward to it.

But, against all odds, I did it.

My girlfriend, Sister and fellow Kung Fu Student/Office Manager went "snowboarding".

Yesterday we rented boards and boots for $20 for 24 hours. It took us about an hour to get to the slopes and about 45 minutes to get ready. My girlfriend managed to get us an awesome deal for the lift tickets. It ended up being $18 each for an 8-hour pass and a lesson. We had to try once before the lesson for the sake of being manly (or womanly).

Then we hit the lifts. Or should I say: we hit the lifts, then each other, then the ground.

First time down fucking sucked. I hit random objects, went super fast so I couldn't stop, and hit random objects. Everyone else did the same. Yeah, we needed lessons.

We staggered over to the instruction area like a bunch of drunken newborn calves. We met our instructor, Rueben (Not his real name because I can't remember it), and found out he was a nice guy. He taught us how to turn right by pressing toes into the ground and left by pressing the heels. That, of course, turned out to be a 45-minute ordeal. We were falling all over the place and mangling our bodies into positions they weren't made for. Slamming our asses and faces into ice and avoiding people.

Over those 45 minutes I started to feel more comfortable with the board as did everyone else.

Then came the hard part.

Now we needed to go frontward: both legs standing square. If you were to stand with your hands on your hips, legs shoulder width apart, you understand what we had to do, down a freaking hill. This is where things started getting better. You could slow down to a crawl by leaning back or speed up by leaning forward. Don't lean too far forward or you'll end up catching the board in a rut and smacking your fucking head off the ice and torque your body into disgusting positions while screaming.

Lesson over.

Great. Now time to take my newfound ways to continue to bring pain to myself into good use.

The hardest thing of the day overall was to get on and off the lift without killing yourself or others on the lift with you.

The major triumph for us was being able to get off that bitch and managing to stay on the board the whole time without falling.

As you guessed after a while you get used to the speed and you are able to slow down and speed up, weave back and forth, and most importantly, dodge each other.

I had some nasty spills though. Some I thought I wouldn't get up from. Good thing I take martial arts. You learn to fall and take pain differently. Doesn't help much when you run into a fence though.

Changes

2005-02-04T09:16:00.000-05:00

I'm making changes to the blog, real slowly like. I'd like to thank Dan, once again, for helping me out.

Guys, if you have an idea that would make this place look better, let me know. I'll probably ignore it. Ok, I'm just kidding.

Always Thinking.

2005-02-03T14:37:00.000-05:00

I have a penny that sits on top of my monitor, stuck in a hole, standing straight up. This penny is an ordinary 1989 penny. A little dirty, a bit weathered and a shitload more traveled than I am.

Here I am, sitting at my desk, doing what I do everyday. Lincoln stares me down. We make eye contact. I turn my head away in hopes he won't be there when I look back.

Why the hell is he there? Well, I think I put him there last week in a fidgety rage. I have a tendency to play with anything at anytime when I'm not doing work. So most likely when I was standing up to talk to somebody I found Mr.Lincoln in my pocket and plotted this evil scheme.

As the weeks have gone by he has become a little place for me to go when stupid shit happens.

I take a look at him when I forget why I'm working. Not for the money, as you'd expect, but the freedom. I take a look at him while I'm annoyed. Not to make me think of the good things I could buy, but how much bullshit is worth. Less than 1 cent. And, ok fine, to make me think of the good things I could buy.

I'm sure it sounds dumb to some people but everyone has there little escapes. Some people have sexy thoughts. Others have a cross or relic.
I
Have
A
Penny.

I could be worse! I could have a Canadian 1 Dollar(loonie) coin up there but I don't want a fucking bird looking at me all day.

Corporate America 2020

2005-02-02T09:09:00.000-05:00

I had a dream last night it goes a little like this:

My good friend Dan invited me to a day of work, which seemed odd. He works at BigBank USA.

I said ok, which also seemed odd.

We drove to this huge building and walked right into an elevator. There was no front door-Just an elevator waiting.

This seemed like an ordinary elevator (with windows) but soon found out it wasn't. We packed in this bitch, the doors closed and a second later this thing took off like a freaking rocket but strangely silent. We shot up about 100 floors really fast and then went horizontal. Dan then explained that the building is split into sectors. His office was in sector 5g(I made that up cause i can't remember what sector it was in).

I don't remember the elevator stopping for anyone else. It seems as if it were only for people in Dan's department. The elevator stopped and the doors opened.

We filed out and I immediately notice how gray and dark everything looks. Seemed only lit by natural light from the huge windows everywhere. This type of light is one that will make people wonder why they come work each day or even why they are alive at all. Dan doesn't really look that way. He loves his job I remember hearing him say, almost robotically, everyday.

I follow Dan as he makes a right out of the elevator. I can see the far gray wall. On my left there are rows of synthetic leather chairs with little desks attached and headsets lying on the seat. Behind each of the chairs was another chair, back-to-back with the leather chair, looking less comfortable. I continue to follow Dan until we finally approach his "office". It was a virtual office I guess. He took his coat off, hung it in closet against the wall and I did the same. He sat in the last leather looking seat. I went to sit down behind him thinking, "Wow this day is going to fucking suck". "Oh, don't sit there." Dan interrupted. He continued, "Someone is already using that."

Great, just great. I have to stand all day. I want to break something. This place makes me want to hurt something.

I hear this annoying buzzing going off. I assume it's the alarm to start working. Dan lifts the headset from his seat gently and places it on his head. He then looks at me, standing there, and winks. Fuck him. I have no idea how I’m going to get out of here. The buzzing continues.

I notice this weird sensation I’m having in my body. Are they brainwashing these guys? It feels like I have four legs. Now, four arms. The buzzing continues and drives to the core of my very existence. Pulsating my heart to understand its disgusting rhythm. Light is fading. Louder. Louder. Are my ears bleeding?

7:00 am. My eyes fly open. Fuck, time to get ready for work.

MSN get's a new look

2005-02-01T14:50:00.000-05:00

I fucking hate MSN.

Google takes on all search engines and STOMPS THEM. It's like a mini war here on the Internet.

Microphone drops down from the ceiling.

Feedback

Feedback

Feedback

Feedback

"In the red corner:
Where the bright faggy Windows XP Blue,
Weighing 200 million web pages
Who looks really dumb and was created by Microsoft.
MSN SEARCH!!"
(0ne person claps)

"In the Blue corner
Wearing the multicolored O's
Weighing in at a whopping 500 million web pages
Searches books,
Has a cool Internet Explorer toolbar,
Has gmail with 1 gig of space,
Has a myriad of other freaking awesome programs:

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGLE!"

(Everyone screams, some woman cry, babies gurgle with delight)

Round 1:

MSN Sucks so Google Stomps MSN into the ground.
1.....2.....3......4.....56789..10
GOOGLE WINS IN A RECORD NEGATIVE 1 SECOND!

Yeah, good try Microsoft, but thanks for windows XP!

Short, Long Weekend.

2005-01-31T08:24:00.000-05:00

This weekend was my Uncle's welcome home party. He got back from Iraq about 2 weeks ago. The VFW was throwing a party, so I (and my Girlfriend and doggie) head out east for a bit. I had to attend Kung Fu testing on Sunday so we decided to come back on Saturday.

On our way to Albany (New York State Thruway I-90) we stopped by Dan's house. My girlfriend has never seen his apartment. We took a short break and continued on our drive. Hopped back on the thruway. About a half-hour later I noticed some steam rising from the middle of the road. I thought, "Ok, It's a state trooper sitting there, idling, clocking people". Naturally, since the speed limit is 65, I slowed down from 85 to about 80(Miles per Hour, Canadians and other metric lovers). As I approached the steam I realized there was no U-turn and that a car had overturned and landed on its roof. Apparently she was heading westbound (I was heading eastbound) and veered of the road, hit the guardrail, flipped her car and landed on our side of the road. It took a minute to realize what had happened. I immediately search for my cell phone and tried to pull over. I couldn't find my phone in my panic so I pulled over about a quarter of a mile later, found the phone and called 911. They asked the mile marker, I had to pull up to find one, they said they were sending a person right away. By that time two more people pulled up behind me. I got out of the car (My girlfriend had to stay with the doggie) and hauled ass back to them.

I met two guys, Rich and some other guy (SOG). Rich was a young kid just out of the army. SOG was some dude who scared me but seemed nice enough. Rich asked if I had a cell and I explained that I already called them and we decided to run back to the car instead of driving.

Let me tell you that the nights 'round here are fucking freezing lately. If you breathe in through your nose you WILL have frozen boogers.

Rich and I ran as fast as we could possibly run while SOG just jogged. I could feel my lungs freeze and my body starts to cry with the lack of oxygen. I ran like the person was already dying. I had visions of what this person looked like hanging upside down in this car on its roof. I pushed them out of my brain and pushed harder.

About a mile later I did my best to catch my feet and slow down, as did Rich, who the fuck knows where SOG is. He might have just turned around.

There was another car there already and the overturned car was no longer running. Rich ran to the car and yelled at the guy driving the attending car to help us get this person to safety. The driver said, “She’s in the car”. I yelled, “Yeah, we know, let’s get her out!”. Driver responded, “She’s in the back!” “WE KNOW! Help us out!” as the driver just sat there nonchalantly. “SHE’S IN MY CAR, IN THE BACK SEAT!” the driver yelled. Oh, thanks for finally clarifying that, dickhead. Apparently she was in rough shape but was ok. We all walked back to the cars. Halfway back SOG shows up from behind us from who knows where.

We said our good-byes and continued on our journey. My lungs hurt for a long while after that. I was coughing for a good 40 minutes.

More about my weekend all week long.

A word from our sponsor

2005-01-28T13:24:00.000-05:00

As a programmer I like to think I'm doing good.
I don't hurt anyone, usually, and I love what I’m doing generally.

As a Martial artist I hope I'm doing good.
I hurt people because I'm allowed to, usually, and I love doing it.

Tell me those two things are the EXACT opposites. I guess that life has a way of balancing itself out.

One the one hand, computers help people store information. Computer programmers help people store that information so that they understand it.

Kung Fu has a way of helping people be a bit more humble. As a teacher of Kung Fu i help them, maybe, realize it faster.

It's just funny for me to sit on my ass all day using fingers to represent words (a.k.a typing) and make peoples lives easier. After work, I go to the Kung Fu school and kick ass all day (not really) and make peoples lives, while they are training, harder. They're almost hypocritical.

So let me guess. Everyone has the same type of thing. Think about it.

Nostalgia a-plenty

2005-01-27T09:02:00.000-05:00

I borrowed the Tron DVD from a coworker. I remember that as a kid. The sweet "computer graphics" with VHS grainy. The dialogue I never understood and the acting I never cared about. The girl I borrowed it from said it is quite corny. I thought, "No freaking way! This is the best movie, EVER!"

Just then, it occurred to me. What about the rest of my childhood was corny/uncool. What would I do if everything I grew up, that was corny, would make ME corny? Oh wait. Everything I said has come true.

The 80's are a force to be reckoned with.

Vegamatarian.

2005-01-26T10:40:00.000-05:00

I love bird food. I've been vegetarian for a good oh, 2 or 3 years now. Once your past the initial shock of being without meat it's pretty easy. Well, for the most part anyway.

veg·e·tar·i·an - somebody not eating meat or fish: somebody who does not eat meat or fish but instead eats vegetables, fruits, grains, seeds, and sometimes eggs and dairy products.

Notice it doesn't say “eats fish or chicken”. People, stop calling yourself vegetarian if you eat any type of meat. It's like saying you’re a runner when all you do is walk.

The problem:
Since a lot of people the past decade (or so) have decided to go veggie, why the hell aren't all of the restaurants following suit?
Look, just because people don't eat meat doesn't mean they're hippies.
C'mon, look at my picture. I have short hair, I'm (semi) clean, I have one girlfriend and I don't do drugs. It also doesn't mean that everyone who doesn't eat meat is doing it for a religious reason.

Ok great. Burger King offers a veggie burger, which tastes like cardboard with mayo and pickles. Other places for me (vegetarians)force you to eat a salad and fries. A fucking salad! Not even with good toppings. Most likely it's iceberg lettuce and maybe an olive or two. Woop-dee-doooo!

Do some research. It's not that hard to find vegetarian cuisine that is simple to make and tastes pretty good.

My rant for this week.

2005-01-25T17:26:00.000-05:00

That's me

I'm just trying out picassa and hello. Pretty sweet!

Eww Gross.

2005-01-25T13:42:00.000-05:00

A coworker said he loves peanut butter and MAYO sandwiches. What the hell?! Has anyone ever heard of that? I dry-heaved for a good 17 minutes after that one.

What are some weird ass foods you like?

Me? Uh. I like normal food because I’m, uh, normal or something.

Snowboarding?

2005-01-25T10:56:00.000-05:00

Ok, I've considered it. Actually even planned it.
I'm going snowboarding. I haven't been since I was way younger.
Even then it was in the backcountry going down a huge back road being towed behind a four wheeler and avoiding cows or other various farm animals.

As I posted in some earlier blogs (ok separate thought. A comma should come next), since I hate winter (end of separate thought, another comma), I am trying to get out more to waste away as much time as possible(run on sentence).

The damned weather has been quite sucky. A balmy 60 degrees three weeks ago, down to a frigid -12. First it was no snow, then so much snow we can't drive. We can't seem to win.

If it stays in the mid-20's, the first weekend in February looks good.

It'll be a grand ol' time falling on my face, making a fool of myself and freezing my ass off (in that order).

Someone had a good point. I'm sitting here bitching about how cold it's been. Remember when we where kids? We would play outside any day, at anytime, in any weather until we were forced to come in.
Mid 20's, HA! That was freaking summer for me when I was 10.

Special Thanks.

2005-01-24T13:41:00.001-05:00

Wow.

I mean.. Wow. I could never have made it this far with out some very special people.

I've dreamt all my life to be standing here in front of you all. Obviously, I'm good because I’ve received this "Most likely to learn to spell and have proper grammar" award.

First and foremost I’d like to thank Blogger.

Blogger, if it wasn't for you I would never have been able to express my true feelings about how stupid some people can be. Also, allowing me to spellcheck my posts.

Secondly,

I'd like to thank my good friend Dan(who never updates his site) for helping me proof read my posts and for making me feel like a freaking idiot for pointing out that I have misspelled "fornicate".

Thirdly and finally,

I'd like to thank:
Mom
Dad
Aunt Jemima
Uncle Reuban
My sister Philly
My brother Starin
Bob
Bill
Steve
Joe
Don
Dan
Do-an
Jo-on
Jo-an
and Lee.

Startling Darkness

2005-01-24T13:41:00.000-05:00

One by one the lights go out.

The florescent sunshine makes me a pasty white.
They make circles under my eyes and
I dream of what the weather is outside.
No windows give me a glimpse of the gray world.

It's night when I arrive and night when I leave.
Sometimes when sustenance calls I join the living to
Speed along to grab some of its life rejuvenating forces.

This is a world of dry-erase boards
Their colors very bland.
I could draw myself a smiley face with yellow or blue.
Todo lists all over the place.
Checkmarks only rewarded with impossible work: completed.

There is no emotion, only political correctness
with a dash of "Hey, how's it going?"
Talk of no evil, do your work and dream.

The blood on the walls is the paper in your inbox.
The tears on your chin are the dirt between the keys in your keyboard.
The sweat on your brow: Smudges on the Screen.
Everyone laughs until you catch up.
It's getting darker now.
One by one the lights go out.

Fake, Plastic Lives.

2005-01-24T08:28:00.000-05:00

Throughout my life I've noticed a two types of people. Ok, actually three.

1. You like to help people because, well, they need help.
2. You like to help people because it makes you look good.
3. You don't help people because everyone is out to get your precious.

1's like the feeling of pushing someone out of a snowdrift.
2's like the feeling of pushing someone out of a drift because it makes him or her look strong.
3's don’t give a shit and would rather push someone into a snowdrift or be warm at home.

1's are nice people: Kind, caring, warm, and just generally nice.
Now, 2's are usually good people too but have a tendency to take things to far.
3's, well, that's a different story. Those people seem to be out for themselves.

I think all of us have fit into these three category's, or a mix of them.

What's your number? Mine. I'm a mix between a #1 and #3. Mostly #1 except when I haven't eaten anything and my blood sugar is low. Then I'm a fucking cranky bastard and would rather be a bitch and complain.

I'm sorry, my mistake

2005-01-22T16:16:00.000-05:00

I sincerely feel bad for my lack of good spelling and
punctuation. More and more people are stopping by to say "hi" for a
brief second. I can't even take one freaking minute to check the
spelling.

In my defense I usually post while I'm at work, so I have little time
sometimes. Understand, also, that I have the worst grammar.

If you can handle bad punctuation, spelling, and grammar, the two of
us may have a future together. One of laughing, loathing, crying, and
bitching together, be it pretty one-sided(mine).

So my new years resolution has changed again. I didn't forget my old
one, though I did for a few days. I'm adding on.

It is to learn to spell, use commas in the right places, and post
non-typical blogs(such as, "I'm blogging because I need to fill some
space"). Thanks for nothing, Internet. You promised you would help me!

Got my ass kicked.

2005-01-21T13:27:00.000-05:00

I'm a martial artist. Ok? I like to kick and punch stuff. I don't really fight ever. Just spar once in a while and i've never been in a street fight.

Sparring is a great thing to do to keep you and your senses on your toes. Usually there is very little contact. It's more of a game of tag. Unless, of course, you've been doing it a while, like me. Then, well, you get hurt.

I see a kick thrown to my head I start to drop out of the way:

I notice this open spot on his stomach that he just can't seem to get covered quick enough and will allow me to break him down by giving him a nice 'tap' right there. I have to remember that... His face is a bit squished from the meaningful expression the kick has thrown his face into. I know him pretty well by now. He has moved slow up until now. He's really tense which gives me an advantage, seeing that his body is one jumble of tight muscle. Maybe if I kick him in the knee, as soon as his leg misses me. Maybe that'll hurt him enough to think twice about throwing that kick again... ever.

It feels pretty warm right now- I wish the fan's were on. Oh, they are. Well I wish they were on higher. I noticed the gentle breeze but assumed it was air in my clothes as I jumped. My back is burning from something.. wait.. so is my legs.. what is it? oh! It's adrenaline. Dammit! I don't want the adrenaline now! I'm fine. I'm not even all that worried anymore. He isn't as good as I thought. Ah! I can get him easy now. I noticed that he puts too much weight on his leg.. even when he's standing. Simple. I'll just walk right into him and knock him over. That's it!

I notice the world get a bit blurry. The tearing heat in my head makes me feel woozy. I noticed the faint cracking sound of shoelaces hitting my ear. The subtle sting of a bruised ego.

Shit. That hurt.

I was slower than I thought. I couldn't lose that kick. Target detroyed.

Home Ice Skating Rink

2005-01-20T15:46:00.000-05:00

There is an amazing phenomena that is a Home Ice Skating Rink(herein: HISR). A HISR is something recently introduced into my snow-sport-blind life.

Apparently people all over the freaking place make these HISRs. It blew my fucking mind! I'm not kidding you. I was amazed. I couldn't believe people actually did that. I still can't

There is a whole science to it.

First you have make sure that it will be in the mid 20's(-6c for my Canadian friend(s)) for about 5 days with at least 6 inches(152.4mm for my Canadian friend(s) of snow.
Pack the snow with a big piece of plywood.
Then build a cove of snow that will outline the radius of your HISR.
Spray water inside the ring of cove.
Smooth out the water before it freezes.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
and

Repeat.

Now, I'm getting all freaking excited! A co-worker told me about it!
I've been coming up with all sorts ways to make the smoothing part much better.

Like: Take a piece of PVC pipe. Burn small holes in it. Attach a hose, plug up one end, run the pipe along the ice and BOOM you have a makeshift zambone!!!!

Any other ideas?

I'm doing nothing.

2005-01-20T10:38:00.000-05:00

They did a server upgrade to all of the 300 computers. That means a new domain. Which means they have to change all 300 computers over to the new domain. Which means that everything is broken including my workspace(from which I have to do my work). Which means I can't do any work.

I would've been happy a year or two ago not doing any work. Now, I am just sitting here thinking of stuff to do. I feel bad, in a way, that i'm not doing all that much. I should be working my ass off inching ever-so-closely towards that programmers happy place called "Production Rollout". The magical land of "Production Rollout" is where all the happy little programs go to live when the have been engrained with it's very last binary 1's or 0's. This is a wonderful, blissful, a place of plentiful RAM and amazing hard drive space. Home of the gods/goddesses: "The End Users".

In contrast to the heaven of "Production Rollout" where the good programs go there is the land of bad programs. This land is called "Debug Hell". This is the land where programs that are missing that important 1 or 0 goes to be reminded that there is a much better place. Eventually, though, if a program is not a total loss it will be risen to the land of "The End Users".

Masivlie Undrdevelped Blog

2005-01-19T15:25:00.000-05:00

Thanks to bloglet.com you can ~~now~~ NOT sign up to get an email when i update.

Happy and Blue

2005-01-19T10:36:00.000-05:00

BLOG LINK:
Happy and Blue

My first blog reference!!!

I was doing my duty in checking out a new blog friend,Happy and Blue
, and I noticed on his page that Masivlie Undrdevelped Blog is on his Blog Celebrities list! Thanks for supporting me! I'll have to start one of those lists.

Thanks a ton dude!

Take a look at his blog! He's really witty!

And Canadian!

Happy and Blue

Take My Picture

2005-01-19T10:22:00.000-05:00

Do you think that I should be putting up all of these pictures in my blogs? Every place I got to has a shizload of pics scattered all over the damned place. Is it boring that I don't post them? Am I not up with keeping everyones 10 second attention span? It looks like maybe pictures are the least of my worries. I think I need to change the subject more frequently like every ten seconds.

Today in the world it
Somtimes it's just not enou
I hate myself and I want to d
I was watching CSI last night
I reinstalled windows and then
I can't believe how cold it
How often should I grow a
Do you feel safe in
I would post a picture bu
I can't seem to find the

The Sexy Side of Bill Gates

2005-01-18T11:17:00.000-05:00

Link:
Compfused.com - The Sexy Side of Bill

A sexy beast to say the least.

(Notice the mac in the background)

Who's Lying?

2005-01-18T10:32:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking about this a lot as of late. Ever since somebody told me that we never really landed on the moon, I've been second guessing a lot. I've done research and wasted bullshit hours on some stupid theories.

Now, before you freak out on me and have a panic attack and get faint, I don't personally believe that we never made it to the moon. But, that's not the point of this blog.

My POINT is:

Who dictates what is true and false?

One example: I know that throughout grade school and even into high school we read history books. There is no argument that history books a slanted towards the country they are written in. History is a movie without the counteract. An object of abstract thought with some real characters but a shitload of made up ones to make the main characters seem better than they really are. I've heard a few times that: The actual truth lies between what these people think is the truth and what those people think is the truth.

So what's real and what isn't?

I don't like knowing that this country sees and event one way(the "Right" way) and other countries see the same exact event a different way(The "Wrong" Way) and that our way(The "Rightt" way) is always "Right".

Freedom to do whatever the fuck you want really has a tendency to garble the actual truth. It's a lot like looking down the street on a hot summer day. You think there is a white car moving towards you.. But actually it's just parked. The truth is, Yes there is a white car. The interpreter is the wavy heat rising from the hot street. You think you are seeing one thing but indeed you aren't.

One thing taught in Buddhism(No, this isn't a religious discussion) that really relates to this subject is: you need to understand what you are looking at before you take a long, head first jump, into a conclusion that isn't base on any facts other than (using the example above) there was indeed a white car. Was there someone in it? How fast was it moving? Very basic questions that you normally would need to answer before asking a general question.

Stop thinking that because your way works, it's the right way. War teaches us that's complete bullshit. The A-Bomb works wonderful because it works so damned well. Fuck, what about all the people who died from it? That's not a wonderful thing.

This is where your gut instinct comes into play. The internet has taught us a shitload about hoax's. You most likely can't believe a majority of the stuff on here. When does something feel like it's real to you?

Saturn Moon: Titan -Images

2005-01-18T10:19:00.000-05:00

Link:
Cassini-Huygens: Multimedia-Images

Now THIS is amazing. A picture of a moon that orbits Saturn called Titan. I'm not sure how far away it is.

Ok now, looking at that picture, how easy would it be to create a false picture? Next, Blog, Read

People do read my blog.

2005-01-18T09:39:00.000-05:00

The problem with the world is that communication is seen as something that isn't important. If people would let me know that they read my blog, I would write more interesting stuff, more frequently. I got a message from a dude in South Korea that said he read my blog. Fucking South Korea! That's crazy. I sit here ranting about bullshit weather and stupid other things and some guy across with world is reading it and softly chuckling to himself.

Just talk to people and let them know stuff every once in a while. You don't hear of a surgeon doing an operation and keeping everything to himself, no! He talks to his staff to let the know what's going on.

I love you.

Iraq vs. My Uncle

2005-01-15T18:51:00.000-05:00

My uncle is coming back from Iraq 2 weeks from today.

Whether you agree with what we are doing or not, take a second to thank a vet. I'm not kidding.

Happy Friday

2005-01-14T09:45:00.000-05:00

Why is it happy?

Well, I'm glad the nasty winters we normally have aren't here yet this year. Even if they start now it'll be over before we know it.

Kinda sucks though. I was planning on starting to snowboard to waste away the chilling, boring times of winter.

Audioslave Lyrics: Getaway Car

2005-01-11T13:07:00.000-05:00

Who: Audioslave
Album: Self-Titled
Song: Getaway Car

The first time i saw you you were
chasin down
a cyclone
all alone in the field
with railyards and clovers i kept rollin on
never thought you'd wind up chasin
me

i settle down
i won't hesitate
to hit the highway
before you leave me to waste no
i'll settle up and i'll help you find something to drive
before you drown yourself

your tired of walkin
and you loathe the ground
the sideway belly touched your feet
black moons to slowly to hold you down
with ring hand you take it out on me

settle down
i won't hesitate to hit the highway
before you leave me to waste
saddle up and i'll help you find something to drive
before you drive me insane

so get yourself a car
drive it all alone
get ourself a car
and ride it on the wind
get yourself a car
and drive it all alone
get yourself a car
and ride it on the wind yea

yea we'll settle down
i won't hesitate to hit the highway
before you leave me to waste
settle up and i'll help you find something to drive
before you drive me insane

get yourself a car
and drive it all alone
get yourself a car
and ride it on the wind
get yourself a car
and drive it all alone
get yourself a car
and ride it on the wind

Virtual Reality

2005-01-11T09:34:00.000-05:00

Back in Crossgates Mall in Albany there was a store. A store like no other. A store that reaches into the depth of reality... virtual reality.

I don't quite remember the name of the store, but it was fucking cool. It was way beyond anything I had ever imagined. You walk in and it was Tron. People with goofy-ass looking headgear and these wired handles with a thumb button on them standing on a little platform. There were warnings about getting dizzy and all that stuff but I could only understand the term "you are next in line".

I paid my $15 dollars for 5 minutes. I stepped into the sanctuary of technical circuitry and got suited up. Put the 42.5 lb headgear(see fig. 1.1) on and grabbed the wired joystick.

3 minutes (of loading) later it started. What happened next was quite amazing. I was wooshed to a world of '3D' polygons representing some acid-trip like figures and buildings. It was pretty neat, the fact that you could look anywhere and there the world was, waiting for you with all it's polygoodness. You were almost completely immersed in a gaming experience. You could shoot things. That was it. It did the walking for you, in a straight line no less. You just looked around and shot shit. Kinda cool, kinda boring. Worth the $15? Sure!

Dan's take:
"in hindsight... It's silly. Virtual reality was supposed to be the next big thing. Everybody was going to be wearing helmets and something that looked like Nintendo's power glove. Never happened. prolly never will."

figure 1.1: The headset.

This is a much cooler, more good looking version of me in 10th grade.

Holy Shit, I can't beleive I actually did that in Paint. Looks pretty good. Maybe i'll start a web-comic.

It's a sign.

2005-01-10T11:44:00.000-05:00

(Almost) every day I pass a sign on the side of the road that stares at all cars heading towards it's angerly written bold red letters. Being a sign of the times, I can't help being strangly taken back to the 70's (that I was never alive for) and thinking of seeing this exact sign. Indeed, history does repeat itself. Whether 30 years ago with no computers or the awareness of health; or Today where everything is based off of some technical device that rules the world and everyone with a self-diagnosed sickness, there is still the same underlying problems that people have had since this great nation was created. The same problem being war.

The Sign Says:

"Jobs, Not War"

Oh Yeah, It's the new year.

2005-01-06T09:27:00.000-05:00

Now the 6th, I forgot to blog about my new years resolution.

My New Years Resolution:
I need to keep more of a schedule. Maybe it's a maturity thing. I always enjoyed having a day planner but it was always empty except for doodles that I made in school or old numbers of friends I never wanted to talk to.

I always liked having a calendar with special dates on it that make me feel important. Yet, whenever someone asks me, "What are you doing a week from Monday?" Other than the obvious answer "Work" I say, "After work, I'm just gunna chill" when in actuality I have an eye exam then I have to teach Kung Fu then, if I'm not too tired, I am going food Shopping. I would love to look in my little book and say "Nope, I can't. I have to go check my email for 3 hours." After all is said and done I just lose my little book anyway. Maybe I need a PDA(ie. Palm Pilot) that costs a little bit so I'll take care of it like I do my cell phone and lose it only occasionally.

In defense to the way I am now, I always have felt very strange about being attached to stuff like a little calendar, because if I lose it, I'm fucked. I write stuff in there and I forget it. I can't remember if I was supposed to pick up dog food or pay a certain bill.

Is this a good resolution? Is this considered being more organized? I don't know. Resolutions are just made to waste the first part of the year doing something your never going to get used to doing. I hope I'm wrong for once.

Chinese new years is 2/9/2005
Year of the Rooster (or Cock if you like that better.)

North Korea Issues Wartime Guidelines

2005-01-05T14:21:00.000-05:00

Link:
North Korea Issues Wartime Guidelines

Basically they're pissed off that the US keeps pressuring them about nuclear weapons. I'm a little nervous to tell you the truth. If they pose an offensive against the US, the US now has a war on yet another front. Talk about spreading too thin.

Jason Mraz Lyrics: I'm Yours

2005-01-05T08:35:00.000-05:00

Who: Jason Mraz
Song: I'm Yours(Working Title)
Album: None, yet(Mua ha ha ha)
When: I dunno.

well you done done me and you bet i felt it
i tried to be chill but you so hot that i melted
i fell right through the cracks and i'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out i'll be givin it my bestest
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
i reckon it's again my turn to win some or burn some

but i won't hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait i'm yours

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find the love love love love
listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
i like peaceful melodies
it's your god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

oh i won't hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate
our time is short
it is our fate, i'm yours

(Solo)

i've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
but my breath fogged up the glass
and so i drew a new face and laughed
i guess what i'm a sayin' is there ain't no better reason
to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue

i won't hesitate no more, no more
it cannot wait, i'm sure
there's no need to complicate
our time is short
this is our fate, i'm yours

well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find the love love love love
listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
i love one big family
it's our god forsaken right to be loved, love, love, love
well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find the love love love love
listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
i like peaceful melodies
it's our god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved

so please don't complicate no more, no more
this is our fate, i'm sure
so don't, please don't hesitate, the sky is yours
this is your fate, i'm yours

Google, that's right.

2005-01-03T15:19:00.000-05:00

You know why google is number 1? Because they make awesome things like Suggest and buy companies like Keyhole. They make guys, like me, happy because they make our lives happier.

Take a look at Google labs.

Funny Title Mishap: Meet the Fockets

2005-01-03T13:31:00.000-05:00

Link:
andPOP | Meet the Fockets Remains at the Top For A Second Straight Week

I thought it was funny!

No More Blockbuster Late Fees

2004-12-29T12:25:00.000-05:00

Link:
No More Blockbuster Late Fees

If you haven't heard already.

Oh, the insanity of Automation.

2004-12-29T10:32:00.000-05:00

I want to completely automate my house. I would love to be able to call(or connect to) my house and tell hit to turn on lights, or turn up the heat, or close some heating vents or anything. I just love the fact that you have complete control over something you spend so much time and money on. There is the X10 protocol which uses your house's electrical wiring to send High Frequency Radio Waves to receivers all throughout the house. Now this technology is far from new. There were things around a few years ago.

Imagine using your cell phone to call home and tell it to put the heat up to 70 and the kitchen light on. Or logging into your home network and changing what TIVO should record tonight because you are running late.

That's what I call automation.

Turkey Joints

2004-12-28T14:39:00.000-05:00

Dan got me these candy things for Christmas. They have Brazil Nuts and Chocolate wrapped in taffy. Candy that you have never tasted before. It's called Turkey Joints. These freaking things also have a special ingredient called Crystal Meth. These things are some damned addictive, I have nightmares about coming into work and looking at the jar and it's empty. THESE THINGS ARE SO GOOD!..

Why, oh why did I write about this.

Oh yeah, the joints told me to do it!

Christmas Time in the City

2004-12-27T13:40:00.000-05:00

Yeah that's right. Christmas is over. You can stop your bitching about your shitty presents and just be happy you are alive.

Went home for Christmas.
My Grandmother had a heart-attack Christmas Morning due to a blockage in two arteries to her heart. In church she had chest pains(center of her chest and her shoulder/upper back), so they sent her to the hospital. My family called her heart doctor who wanted the Attending to call A.S.A.P and have her transported to another hospital WAY better suited for her needs. After 1 hour, some X-Rays(I think), an EKG, two consultations with a nurse and the Attending(both who seemed like they thought she was faking and would rather be home drinking and eating pork-rinds), and a fuck-load of complaint's (from my family who wanted the doctor to call), the Attending finally called back her heart doctor and released her to be transported to the better equipped hospital.

She was being transported from a shitty, bullshit hospital that couldn't handle her medical requirements to one of the top 100 cardiology hospitals in the country which was about 40 minutes away. The ambulance drove traffic speed(65/Highway) with no lights on. 10 minutes into the drive my grandma then had a full heart attack and died on the table. The used paddles to bring her back and had to take her back to that bullshit hospital, yet again, to be stabilized. When Gramma came back to that bullshit hospital I'm sure the Attending said to himself "Oh shit, this is serious maybe I should have given her more than aspirin!". After she was stabilized with a foot massage and a single fuzzy sock she was then transported safely in an ambulance which had it's "We F'd up lights on" going faster than traffic, IN THE FAST LANE!! Gramma gets some amazing service, I tell yah what.

A word about this hospital.
I can sum up the mentality of this shitty, bullshit hospital in one sentence.
"What's this button do". Not kidding, this hospital was better suited to handle toys, not ever good toys, like toys that you find in the snow outside of a Taco Bell.

Immediately the doctors looked at the X-RAYS from the shitty, bullshit hospital and said she had VERY APPARENTLY had a heart attack before the one she had in the ambulance.

After a stent was used to open up her blocked artery, she feels much better. She gets another done this week. She'll be ok.

Genetic Savings and Clone

2004-12-23T12:54:00.000-05:00

Link:
Genetic Savings and Clone - the leading provider of pet gene banking and pet cloning services.

This makes me nervous

New Harry Potter Book

2004-12-22T12:47:00.000-05:00

Link:WESH.com - Entertainment - New Harry Potter Book Is Already No. 1 Seller On Internet

So that means when this movie finally comes out the actors will be 27 and fat.

Feeling Better. Wireless

2004-12-22T10:09:00.000-05:00

Yeah that's right.. I now have a wireless network at home.

Two PCI Cards and a router. All for $30 simple to set up. Way to0 easy to use. WAY to0 easy. Hopefully mine is secure enough.

Sick Yesterday

2004-12-21T09:42:00.000-05:00

I had the stomach flu yesterday(probably still do). I stayed home because I was yacking all friggin day.. It sucked. I couldn't even drink water. I feel better now though my head is really cloudy .

Happy Friday!

2004-12-17T15:53:00.000-05:00

Yeah i'm happy today because well we have one more week until Christmas. I'm unhappy I haven't done any shopping but happy people have done shopping for me!!!

I'm happy that I get to go home and relax. Fun times indeed.

First Reference Call

2004-12-17T11:41:00.000-05:00

I just received my first reference call. My good friend Mike from school and various side projects used me as a business reference. I felt nervous. As if his employment status rests in this phone call of me talking about him and how good his work ethics really are. I didn't have to talk him up because he is truely a great guy with wonderful work ethics. I just hope I did him justice.

ODB died from drugs overdose

2004-12-16T10:44:00.000-05:00

Link:
Rapper ODB died from drugs overdose

Well I guess his name should now be

ODBDOCOTI

Ol Dirty Bastard Died of Cocaine Overdose That Idiot.

Happy BIRTHDAY

2004-12-16T10:26:00.000-05:00

DAN TURNS 24 Years Young. GO DAN!

HAPPY Birth-day toooo you
HAPPY Birth-day toooo you
HAPPY Birth-day dear Daannnnnnnnn
HAPPY Birth-day toooooooo w00000000000000000000t

FireFox

2004-12-16T10:25:00.000-05:00

Really cool Add for FireFox. Sweet!

Christmas Shopping

2004-12-16T09:05:00.000-05:00

Ok Fine, I haven't started shopping yet. Sue ME!

'Dear Friends -Music From FINAL FANTASY-'

2004-12-15T11:22:00.000-05:00

'Dear Friends -Music From FINAL FANTASY-' Concert Series to Kick Off February 19, 2005, in Chicago

I'm actually quite interested in this! My girl loves the music from the Final Fantasy Series.

Yahoo! Mail - rymos@yahoo.com

2004-12-15T08:38:00.000-05:00

Well, Yesterday was long. I was tired and hungry. The meeting was just short of 4 hours.
We went out to lunch where there was only meat on the menu. So I got a big salad and some seasoned fries. yay.

Overall everyone was thoroughly impressed.

Today is the Night I.. oh

2004-12-14T07:05:00.000-05:00

Pretty much the first part of the day I will be in meetings then off to lunch. Wow. I feel kind of special. Fuck yeah. fuck.... yeah. I'll write about it later.

By The Way I've Tried To Say

2004-12-13T13:54:00.000-05:00

By The Way:

Sorry I haven't Posted that much. I'm really quite new and I'm trying to keep up my 3 posts a day throughout the week. I'm trying to be as unique as possible but still have interesting logs. Any comments please let me know.